I just made out with a guy for $7.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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