You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
