omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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