How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
