Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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