so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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