There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
