Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you never un-have a 4some
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
