Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
