Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
