I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
