I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
