Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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