we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
