who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
