Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
