Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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