I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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