My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
