Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
