Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
