Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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