Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
