we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The best revenge is premature balding
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Randomize
