you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
