I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
