i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
