Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize