I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
