Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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