I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
