everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize