Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
