i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
