He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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