AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
