It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
