i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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