i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
