Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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