I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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