i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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