i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He felt like a one man threesome
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize