The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
