I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
