she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
