I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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