I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
