I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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