highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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